Today is the day Lily breathes her final earthly breath. She's bound herself to the task of teaching her humans, Eleni and Michalis, for decades, and in return they've been unwavering and faultless in their love and care for her - she's a being whose presence goes far beyond 'special'. Lily's chosen her humans well.
Today is the day Lily is ready to move on from her body after living a life whose impact has been exquisitely tangible for so many all over earth in so many different ways. From the friend who comes to collect trailer loads of her organic poo to nourish and heal his organic farm, to the budding animal communicator who bathes in Lily's presence during a workshop and is moved to cathartic tears after having her own 'communicator light bulb' switched back on.
Today is the day I mourn for us all. I need to write my feelings down while I'm still raw and vulnerable. To share these feelings is to unburden my chest of its aching despondency. Receiving news that Lily is departing is one of those silver lined cloud moments, where the preciousness of her life is being recalled through a gaping hole in my heart. I can only imagine Eleni and Michalis's state - like losing your parent AND your child.
I recall my first encounter with Lily. A grand and luminescent dame; her presence made me feel insignificant and full of irrelevance in comparison.
I recall Lily majestically entering a communication workshop space (with everyone in a semi-circle around the facilitator, Eleni), in order to eyeball every person present, one by one. We were in HER space and she bestowed on us an almost comical greeting, seeing each one of us, sussing us all out, offering Eleni her casual approval and granting us access before going on her way.
I recall tending to her needs - steaming her hay, scraping her soles and tossing the mank to the salivating dogs to eat, changing her blankets along with the slightest change in weather conditions, chopping her fruit and veg and mixing up a meal fit for a queen, brushing her thick winter coat away, brushing the red dirt off her dazzingly white fur after she'd indulged herself a body scrub between blanket changes, sweeping out her night shelter, scooping up and meticulously counting her poos, feeding her a homeopathic before injecting her muscle with an anti-spasmodic as she braced herself during a bout of colic, crying and sooking at her when she broke my thumb. Everything I did for Lily was a privilege almost beyond explanation - to be in humble service to a worthy master is something of a rarity for we humans and my relationship with Lily will always be held inside a glorious gilded cage deep within my heart.
I recall Lily bowing deeply to me when I turned to say a hurried goodbye as I left her home with my bags in tow, heading off to my next adventure just as the snow started to fall; her beautiful and humble act brings me to sobbing tears right now, just as it did all those years ago. To have such a self assured, lofty being of perfectly balanced light and presence, not only SEE me, but express her thankfulness FOR lowly 'ol me - it offered me a doorway for healing that is truly rare ... Lily also wished me well - not the vacuous well wishing that comes from the mouths of humans when they bid each other adieu, but an authentic prayer of blessing that was bestowed lovingly upon me. Having this tremendous being thank and bless me brought a pang of deep regret that I was leaving her magical realm. I sit with that same sunken, regret filled feeling right now as I write. Why didn't I offer more of myself for her? Why did I choose my adventures over her presence?
I recall the news of Lily's disastrous calamities - shattering her body in ways that would end the lives of others, but Lily still had work to do, so she stayed. Raising her broken body from the dust, beyond all beliefs and expectations of what she was capable of. Thriving gracefully inside a body that was racked with pain. Despite 'recovering' from her bodily traumas, Lily was never the 'phoenix from the flames' archetype - rising like a new being after having its world demolished. She was an old soul who didn't need renewal; she was the 'dig as deep as you can and with help and encouragement from those who really do have your best interests at heart, you'll be AOK' archetype. Ever divine, ever masterful, ever teaching - until she was satisfied that her proteges had learned the lessons she came to teach.
I recall seeing Lily for the first time in five years. She'd thinned. She looked tired. Her broken bones were clearly visible beneath her scarred skin. She'd withdrawn deeper into herself, seemingly deeply present and worlds away, no longer inquisitive and bemused about the goings on around her. She didn't venture as far, as often as she had before I'd seen her last, so although finding her poo in the far corner of the yard brought me a silent celebration, it came with an acceptance that Lily the amazing one was winding herself down in preparation for her departure from her body. She was still magnificent, don't get me wrong. It was me who had to tune in to the Lily who was beyond what my eyes offered me.
Staying true to Lily's lessons is something I know that Lily's spirit will be ever present to oversee. This knowingness that she will always be here, despite the palpable void of her physical passing is the only thing that brings me comfort right now, as I wait for time to mark the healing of my grief and nostalgia, transmuting it into something akin to the inner smile of unconditional love.
To Lily and her humans - a heartfelt thank you for everything you've gifted me.
